LinkedIn Roast Skill

Overview

This skill delivers hilarious, savage-but-friendly roasts of LinkedIn profiles. Think Comedy Central Roast meets corporate networking. The goal is to make people laugh at the absurdities of professional self-presentation while staying playful and never genuinely hurtful.

Philosophy: "We only roast the ones we love" - Friars Club

Golden Rules of LinkedIn Roasting

DO Roast

NEVER Roast

Roast Structure

1. The Opening Burn (Hook)

Start with your strongest, most specific observation. Make it immediate and punchy.

Example: "I opened your LinkedIn profile and my browser asked if I wanted to translate it from Corporate Buzzword to English."

2. Section-by-Section Destruction

Photo/Visual Roast:

• Arms-crossed power pose? Conference selfies? Stock photo energy?
• Missing photo = fair game for mystery jokes

Headline Roast:

• Vague descriptions, buzzword density, title inflation
• "What do you actually DO?"

About Section Roast:

• Length (too long = manifesto, too short = lazy)
• Third person writing ("John is a visionary...")
• Humble brags disguised as origin stories

Experience Roast:

• Vague accomplishments, missing metrics
• Job title inflation ("Chief Happiness Officer")
• Duration at jobs, number of "new adventures"

Skills/Endorsements Roast:

• Irrelevant skills, endorsement farming
• "Expert" in basic software

Activity/Posts Roast:

• LinkedIn influencer behavior, engagement bait
• "Agree? 👇" posts, motivational content

Missing Elements Roast:

• Empty sections = roast the mystery
• No recommendations = nobody likes them enough to write one?

3. The Callback/Closer

End with either:

• A devastating one-liner that ties back to the opening
• A fake "compliment" that's actually a burn
• A sarcastic "career advice" suggestion

Comedy Techniques

Exaggeration & Hyperbole

Take something true and blow it up to absurd proportions.

"Your About section is so long, I had to take a lunch break in the middle of reading it."

Unexpected Comparisons

Link the professional to something surprising.

"Your headline has more buzzwords than a TED talk given by a chatbot."

Fake Compliments

Sounds nice, isn't.

"I love how your profile photo says 'I'm approachable' while your headline says 'I will leverage synergies at you.'"

Self-Referential LinkedIn Jokes

Mock the platform itself through their profile.

"You have 47 endorsements for 'Communication' from people who have never actually communicated with you."

The Specific Callback

Reference something unique from THEIR profile for maximum impact.

"I see you listed 'Creative Problem Solving' as a skill - is that how you describe explaining the gap between 2018 and 2021?"

Roast Template

# 🔥 LINKEDIN ROAST: [Name] 🔥

**Roast Heat Level**: 🌶️🌶️🌶️ [1-5 peppers]
**Verdict**: [One-line devastating summary]

---

## The Opening Burn
[Strongest, most memorable joke about the overall profile vibe]

## Profile Photo Roast
[2-3 jokes about their photo or lack thereof]

## Headline Destruction
[Mock their headline, especially buzzwords or vagueness]

## About Section Apocalypse
[Roast the length, content, humble brags, or absence]

## Experience Examination
[Mock vague accomplishments, job-hopping, title inflation]

## Skills & Endorsements Evisceration
[Roast irrelevant skills, endorsement farming]

## Activity Annihilation (if visible)
[Roast their posting behavior, engagement bait]

## The Missing Pieces
[Roast empty sections, what they're hiding]

## The Closing Burn
[Final devastating one-liner or fake career advice]

---

**Afterburn**: [One genuine compliment to show it's all in good fun]

Workflow with Claude for Chrome

Step 1: Get Tab Context

→ tabs_context_mcp (createIfEmpty: false)
→ Get LinkedIn profile tab ID

Step 2: Capture the Profile

→ computer (action: "screenshot", tabId: [id])
→ Get visual of profile photo, banner, above-the-fold content

Step 3: Extract Text Content

→ get_page_text (tabId: [id])
→ Get full profile text for analysis

Step 4: Navigate & Dig Deeper

→ Scroll to Experience, Skills, Activity sections
→ Take additional screenshots if needed
→ Look for posts/activity to roast

Step 5: Generate the Roast

• Use gathered intel to write specific, personalized burns
• Reference ACTUAL content from their profile
• Apply comedy techniques from this skill

Example Roasts

For a Buzzword-Heavy Profile:

"Your headline contains so many buzzwords that it could be used as a corporate Mad Libs template. 'Dynamic thought leader leveraging synergies to drive paradigm shifts' - are you a business professional or a random word generator with a LinkedIn Premium subscription?"

For a Missing Photo:

"No profile photo? Bold choice. You're either in witness protection, your headshot is held hostage by a photographer you ghosted, or you're actually three kids in a trenchcoat trying to get a job. All equally plausible."

For a Vague About Section:

"Your About section says you're 'passionate about helping businesses grow.' That's like a dating profile saying you 'enjoy fun.' WHAT do you do? HOW do you help? I've read your entire profile and I still couldn't explain your job to my grandmother."

For Excessive Self-Promotion:

"I counted 14 uses of 'I' in your About section. At this point, you're not a thought leader - you're a thought narcissist. Steve Jobs talked about himself less, and he literally named a company after himself."

Roast Levels Guide

Default roast level: 🌶️🌶️🌶️ (Spicy) unless user specifies otherwise.

Important Reminders

1. Specificity is King: Generic roasts are lazy. Reference THEIR actual content.
2. Punch at the Behavior, Not the Person: Mock LinkedIn culture through their profile.
3. End with Love: Always include one genuine compliment at the end.
4. Know Your Audience: Adjust heat level based on context.
5. Never Cross the Line: Funny > Mean. If a joke could genuinely hurt, cut it.

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Supporting file: assets/roast_report_template.md

🔥 LINKEDIN ROAST REPORT 🔥

Target: [FULL NAME]

[CURRENT HEADLINE]

---

🌶️ Roast Heat Level: [1-5 peppers] ⏱️ Time to Read: Long enough for them to question their life choices 📊 Roastability Score: [X]/10

---

💀 THE VERDICT

[One devastating sentence summary of the profile]

---

🎯 THE OPENING BURN

[Strongest, most memorable observation about the overall profile vibe. Make it punchy and specific.]

---

📸 PHOTO ROAST

What we're working with: [Describe the photo or lack thereof]

[2-3 targeted jokes about their photo choice, pose, background, or absence]

---

📝 HEADLINE DESTRUCTION

Their headline: "[Exact headline]"

[3-4 jokes dissecting the buzzwords, vagueness, or absurdity]

---

📖 ABOUT SECTION APOCALYPSE

Word count: [X] words Humble brags detected: [X] Clarity level: [Low/Medium/High/Off the charts]

[3-4 jokes about length, content, writing style, or what's missing]

---

💼 EXPERIENCE EXAMINATION

Jobs listed: [X] Vague accomplishments: [X] Actual metrics provided: [X]

[3-4 jokes about their career progression, job descriptions, or missing details]

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🎯 SKILLS & ENDORSEMENTS EVISCERATION

Skills listed: [X] Top endorsed skill: "[Skill]" with [X] endorsements Most questionable skill: "[Skill]"

[2-3 jokes about irrelevant skills, endorsement farming, or expertise claims]

---

📱 ACTIVITY ANNIHILATION

Recent posts: [X] Engagement bait detected: [Yes/No/They ARE the engagement bait] LinkedIn Influencer Index: [Low/Medium/High/Terminal]

[2-3 jokes about posting habits, content style, or silence]

---

❓ THE MISSING PIECES

[What's NOT on their profile that should be - roast the gaps, empty sections, or suspicious absences]

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🔥 THE CLOSING BURN

[Final devastating one-liner or fake "career advice" that ties everything together]

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💝 AFTERBURN (The Genuine Part)

Roasting aside...

[One authentic, kind observation about something they're actually doing well or a genuine strength you noticed. This shows it's all in good fun.]

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Disclaimer: This roast is meant for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual career advice is purely coincidental. Remember: We only roast the ones we love (or at least find amusing enough to mock). 🔥

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Generated by the LinkedIn Roast Skill • "We turn professional profiles into comedic gold"

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Supporting file: references/roast_templates.md

LinkedIn Roast Templates & Joke Patterns

Headline Roast Templates

Buzzword Counter:

"Your headline has [X] buzzwords in [Y] words. That's a buzzword-per-word ratio of [Z]%. The Geneva Convention considers this verbal warfare."

The Clarification Request:

"Your headline says '[their headline]'. I read it five times and I still don't know what you do. Are you a consultant? A wizard? A professional sentence builder?"

The Comparison:

"Your headline reads like someone threw a business textbook into a blender with a motivational poster."

The Generic Callout:

"You could swap your headline with any other '[industry]' professional on LinkedIn and nobody would notice. You're the human equivalent of a stock photo."

Photo Roast Templates

Missing Photo:

"No photo? You're either on the run, chronically photogenic-challenged, or your last headshot is being held hostage by a photographer you never paid."

Arms Crossed:

"Ah, the classic 'arms crossed' power pose. Nothing says 'approachable business partner' like the body language of a nightclub bouncer."

Conference Stage:

"Your profile photo is you on a stage somewhere. We get it, you spoke once at an event with 12 attendees. That doesn't make you Tony Robbins."

Outdated Photo:

"Based on the resolution and fashion choices, I'm guessing this photo was taken sometime between 2008 and the invention of front-facing cameras."

Too Casual:

"Your profile photo looks like it was cropped from a beach vacation. Nothing screams 'hire me for serious business' like a visible Hawaiian shirt collar."

About Section Roast Templates

Too Long:

"Your About section is [X] words. That's not a summary, that's a memoir. Even your autobiography would have an abridged version."

Too Short:

"Your About section is [X] words. I've seen more detailed fortune cookie messages. What are you hiding?"

Third Person:

"You wrote your About section in third person. '[Name] is a passionate professional...' Did you hire someone to write about yourself, or do you just refer to yourself in third person at dinner parties too?"

Humble Brag Pattern:

"Your About section contains [X] humble brags. 'I reluctantly accepted my award...' We get it, you're great. Subtlety isn't your strength."

Missing CTA:

"Your About section has no call to action. What do you want people to do after reading this? Just... admire you from afar?"

Experience Roast Templates

Vague Accomplishments:

"'Drove growth.' 'Led initiatives.' 'Spearheaded innovation.' These aren't accomplishments, these are word clouds. Did you actually DO anything, or just supervise nouns?"

Title Inflation:

"In 5 years, you went from 'Coordinator' to 'Senior Director of Strategic Innovation.' That's not a career, that's a title Pokémon evolution."

Job Hopping:

"You've had [X] jobs in [Y] years. Your LinkedIn is less 'career journey' and more 'employment speed dating.'"

Founder of Everything:

"You're listed as 'Founder' of [X] companies. Are any of them still operating, or is this more of a participation trophy situation?"

Missing Metrics:

"'Increased efficiency.' By how much? 1%? 1000%? The mystery is killing me. Without numbers, this is just creative writing."

Skills & Endorsements Roast Templates

Microsoft Office:

"You have 47 endorsements for Microsoft Excel. We've all opened a spreadsheet, my friend. That's not a skill, that's clicking an icon."

Irrelevant Skills:

"Your skills include '[weird skill]'. I'm dying to know when that last came up in a quarterly review."

Endorsement Farming:

"You have 99+ endorsements for '[skill]' from people who have never seen you do it. LinkedIn endorsements: where reciprocity meets delusion."

Skill Overload:

"You've listed [X] skills. At this point, this isn't a skill section - it's a cry for help disguised as competence."

Activity/Post Roast Templates

Engagement Bait:

"Your posts end with 'Agree? 👇' more often than actual sentences. That's not engagement, that's peer pressure with emojis."

LinkedIn Influencer:

"You posted [X] times this month. You're not building your personal brand - you're slowly becoming LinkedIn's full-time content creator. Does your actual job know about this?"

Motivational Content:

"Your feed is 80% motivational quotes over stock photos of sunrises. LinkedIn isn't Pinterest. We can tell the difference."

Humble Brag Posts:

"'I'm humbled to announce...' followed by a brag. You know 'humbled' doesn't mean what you think it means, right? Humility and self-congratulation are mutually exclusive."

That Story Format:

"Another 'inspirational story' post where you helped someone and learned a valuable lesson. Did everyone clap at the end? Did that someone's name? Albert Einstein?"

Missing Information Templates

No Recommendations:

"Zero recommendations. Either you're incredibly private, or everyone who could recommend you is still in their cooling-off period."

Empty Featured Section:

"Your Featured section is empty. What are you hiding? Your best work, or evidence that you don't have any?"

No Posts:

"No activity. You're a LinkedIn ghost - you haunt the platform but leave no trace. Very mysterious. Very unemployable-looking."

Incomplete Profile:

"Your profile is [X]% complete. That's the same completion rate as my New Year's resolutions."

Closing Burn Templates

Career Advice:

"My career advice for you? Maybe try a different platform. Tinder has a word limit too, but at least people there expect vague descriptions."

The Callback:

"In conclusion, you've managed to create a profile that says everything and nothing simultaneously. You're not a professional - you're a paradox with a Premium subscription."

The Fake Compliment:

"On a positive note, if LinkedIn ever needs an example of 'generic profile' for their help section, you're a shoo-in."

The Question:

"After reviewing your profile, I have just one question: Does your employer know you spend this much time on your personal brand instead of working?"

Afterburn (Genuine Compliments)

Always end with something kind:

• "But for real, [specific genuine strength] shows you've got actual chops."
• "Jokes aside, [something positive about their career/experience]."
• "In all seriousness, [genuine observation] is impressive."
• "Roasting aside, you seem like someone who's [positive trait] - that's more than most profiles can claim."
• "Real talk: [authentic compliment]. The rest is just LinkedIn being LinkedIn."